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| "Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics, children are a matter of biology"
That is all!
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| At the end of the day, the only person you can truly rely on is yourself. No matter how much help or encouragement you can get from other people the person who ultimately does the action is you.
I guess one could say that I am an objectivist... which Ayn Rand defines as
"My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute."
I have to use my own hands to create the reality in which I will be happy and through no one else's power but my own I will achieve my goals.
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| Whenever I listen to Chinese music I always feel like I am connecting to my Taiwan background more, especially when I understand all the lyrics completely (I'M LOOKING AT YOU JAY CHOU!). The music helps to remind me of who I am and where I came from in that some of the songs I have been listening to since I was in middle/early high school. It reminds me of all the challenges that I had to go past to get the the place where I am today and the cultural values that my parents instilled me in as a child. This music helps me to find myself when I tend to lose myself when I start applying myself to whatever I am doing.
It's so weird to dig up a really old piece of Chinese music that I haven't listened to awhile and play it and all the emotions that I had when I was listening to the song years and years ago all come rushing back and I can just revel in a simpler time. I'm not sure where this post is going just that I really wanted to get this out of my head and out on paper (currently listening to some chinese music right now haha)
I think the curry that I made and ate earlier also helped seeing as how curry has been my comfort food since I was 4 years old. (I actually still eat the same brand of curry) Eating it never ceases to make me feel warm, fuzzy, and safe inside. Despite the fact that I have a ton of studying to do and some other issues I need to deal with right now... I can say without a doubt in my mind that I am really really content right now.
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| Hello whoever still keeps up with this place, there probably are not very many of you since I have not really had a concrete post here that I did not delete 2 minutes after posting in years.
So, what brings me back? Not sure really, it's just one of those things you always mean to come back to I guess. I mean, I never stopped coming here nor did I really ever completely stop posting. I guess what you could say is that today marks the end of a part of my life and the beginning of another. The resurrection of this xanga did not happen by chance and now that I have said that it is actually resurrected nothing short of me deleting this post 2 minutes later will stop me from updating this once in a blue moon.
Still with me?
Good. Now on with the first post.
I have always thought that if I put forth enough effort into something, or with enough persistence, I would be able to overcome whatever difficulty I was confronting in my life. Of course this philosophy has not always served me well but there have been very few cases in which it has totally backfired on me. I just really want to believe that if I really wanted something bad enough and tried hard enough I would be able to succeed. I know that this is stupid and naive but this is just something I never really grew out of no matter how cynical I got from my crushed dreams. Hell, the thought that "today I will put forth my best effort" is what gets me out of bed most mornings.
Recently though I have had to start reevaluating how this attitude has shaped my life. Putting your best effort and energy into a task just does not mean that it will go anywhere. No matter how much you would like to succeed sometimes it just is not meant to happen. I have always known that but it was not until recently that it has truly begun to sink in. College is a whole different ball game compared to high school. So many different aspects of life that I have to attend to that sometimes I feel that I am in way over my head and that I can not dedicate enough effort into any one thing. What I have realized is that when this happens, I just have to start making cuts in my life to keep myself sane. If I do not do this, I am just going to agonize over tasks because I feel I am not giving some things enough attention and other things barely enough. But once I start trying to make cuts I agonize over what things I should let go and what things I should keep doing leading me to not really able to make any significant progress on the issue because I want everything to work out.
Then again... making cuts is just running away from issues in my life. Maybe I just need to just think everything through by myself for a little bit.
New Years Resolutions:
1. Learn to prioritize
2. Make time for self
3. Learn to rely on others more
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